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p o
e t r y
Introduction
Volume
1
Volume
2
Volume 3
Volume 4
Volume 1
- "Only those within whose own
- consciousness the suns rise and set,
- the leaves burgeon and wither,
- can be said to be aware of what living
is."
Joseph Wood Krutch
Netzah
[Eternity]
Could I have died so soon,
So soon that my cries
Were silenced in your womb?
So soon that I'll never touch
Your breast nor feel
Your hands caress
My brow?
So soon that you never got
To sigh and cry
Sweet tears of joy,
For your first child,
Your first born boy?
Could I have died so soon?
I suspect not,
For I felt the passion
Of your love around me
As my heartbeats slowed,
Then stopped.
As I lay motionless,
I heard the misery
In your cries that
I would not be born alive
And wondered, why?
Yesterday father, you fathered me.
Today dear mother, you birthed me.
I was there, You were there.
We all stood witness.
I heard your whispers,
That you love me.
I heard you tell each other
How beautiful I was viewed
In my eternal quietude.
I even felt your soft caress
As you held me to your breast.
On this morn, mourn not for me.
With ethereal grace I have a name.
I have a home, I have a life...
To live through all eternity.
1994
Netzah, one of ten fundamental forces or Sefirot of
Jewish Mysticism , means eternity and represents the conquest or capacity for
overcoming. Alexander died in
utero one day before his birth. The cause of his death
was from a of a true knot in his umbilical cord. After
the birth, his mother and father and family held him
for hours, in love.
Hope
When roses lose their
loveliness
When rivers cease to flow;
When sunlight fails to warm the air,
When stars no longer glow.
When birds cannot take to
flight,
When a ruby's luster fades;
When leaves refuse to fall from boughs,
When trees cannot give shade.
When fields of flowers wither,
When clouds cease making rain;
When mountain ranges cast no shadows,
When prairies cannot grow grain.
When these natural wonders
end,
When there's no dusk or dawn;
When all life's miracles cease to be....
...Only then will my hope be gone.
1992
This expectant mother had a miscarriage in
her fourth month of her pregnancy, after five years of
infertility and several cycles of in-vitro fertilization.
She has no children at home and is determined to
continue her quest for a child.
Aurora
Part lost is my
soul,
But not lost my hope.
My strength still remains;
I am able cope.
For on this day
When my child has been taken,
I look towards the heavens.
I've not been forsaken.
The sun darts back
And forth in between
Clusters of clouds,
Yet few shadows are seen.
For there shining through
Is a hope which will brighten,
And fade all the sorrow;
My burden's to lighten.
1989
The
indelible trauma of the demise of fetal life. If
this happened one time it would be too much. This
patient endured two unexplained fetal deaths and felt
she would not surrender her faith. She had a healthy
son one year after this last loss.
Gemini
Behold my body cares for a
wondrous
Harvest grand and full.
Two beings longing for birth
With one singular purpose,
To reveal their soul.
With delight in my womb
I yearn to touch and cry.
And when birth arrives,
A passion I'll consume
And behold my Gemini.
1989
Gemini
means the Twins, in Latin, and in classical
mythology means "great twin brethren." This mother
was exposed to DES and had multiple miscarriages
because of a weakened cervix[incompetent cervix.} When
she was pregnant with this twin pregnancy, she had a
suture placed like a purse string around her cervix to keep
it from dilating prematurely. She remained at bedrest
throughout her entire pregnancy and delivered twin
girls at full term.
Betrayed
Liquor about my child
Entombed,
confined within
My faltered womb
How you betrayed all my
Life's hope.
Yet it is hope
That will befriend and bath
her primal soul
With sweetness to
Eternity's end.
1994
All too often a mother will have a disorder of the
amniotic fluid leading to Perinatal loss. These
unexpected and disastrous events led me to write these
lines.
Brook
Summer breezes
sway the poplar,
As I walk the banks with my new daughter.
Recalling summers spent in sorrow,
In fear I'll forever walk without her.
But through the seasons of
this year,
New hope was born, without that fear;
My body pregnant, filled with life;
No more sadness, no more strife.
And in awe, my eyes did see
Her image as she was born of me;
Ruby cheeks, down-like hair,
Eyes aglow, skin so fair.
Thus I turn to thoughts of
Summer,
When breezes blow and sway the poplar
When I walk and talk and look
At my beloved daughter, Brooke.
1990
This mother had multiple pregnancy losses and no
living children. She was at very high risk for another
loss, but delivered Brook, healthy and beautiful.
Jordan
Listen all to the music of
trumpets,
Of harps; of lutes.
With harmony they announce a joyous birth.
Her namesake a river whose banks
Of fertile soil caress the ripples of its
Vital waters. Her life full of wonder,
to flow endlessly, yet willingly,
Into larger seas with unknown boundaries
And infinite depths.
For as the river flows out from the wilderness,
So from our bodies her life began;
With love and hope,
Our angelic daughter, Jordan.
1992
This beautiful baby girl was born with Down's
syndrome. Her brother, born one year earlier died of
congenital heart disease. Her mother is the epitome
of courage and strength.
Tralee
Not far from where the Shannon
flows
Lies the village of Tralee,
Rejoicing the birth of Emily Rose,
With simple serenity.
A beautiful being born this day,
A traveler who's traveled the journey of birth;
A miraculous Odyssey for which we have prayed,
Greater than any on all the Earth.
So with a passion that cannot be rivaled,
We hold dear to our hearts,
This young child of ours,
And bless her for life, our very beloved,
For one full of song, sunshine and flowers.
1990
Dedicated to Emily Rose, born after many years of
her mother's infertility. Tralee is a small village in
Ireland that each year holds a majestic Rose festival.
Madeline
Alabaster columns of sunlight,
gleaming,
Illumine the darkness of this day.
Nightmares turn to peaceful dreaming.
Awesome fears fade far away.
Though now my soul no longer
dwells,
Upon the world as I have known,
Still I live beyond the pastel
Elysian fields, are now my home.
Weep no more for me, beloved,
For I can sense no pain.
At one with God in heaven above
You; I'm at peace, and at peace shall I remain.
1991
For a patient who bravely and with lasting optimism
faced the challenge of terminal cancer. Her devoted
husband of many years was emotionally
devastated
upon her death. This poem was written to comfort him.
Elyssium
Our first born cries.
A golden dream with
Expectations as promising as
The expansive petals of the
Sunflower....and hope,
To learn the provinces
Of a virtuous world:
Kindness compassion,
Benevolence, caring,
Integrity, tolerance, delight
In sharing... as she emerges
From her veil of childhood to
Bathe in the joys of her
Life;
1991
Written for my first born daughter, Stephanie.
Elysium in Greek Mythology is the abode of the
blessed; the paradise or happy land.
Commencement
I bear today
A countenance of promised dreams;
Sanguine visions sweetened with
Maytime baskets
Of floral scents and sights
To smile upon the face of
Spring's delights. And while
The frosted tears of winter's cry
Melt and flood the
Mountain streams,
I pause to wipe the joyful tears
I've cried
For my daughter's life and being,
And her countenance of promised dreams.
1993
Another personal tribute to my child Stephanie upon
her graduation from high school.
Futility
With caring hands he
touches mine,
And tells of my lost dreams.
Melancholy surrounds me.
No longer lives the love
Which I've proclaimed.
No longer lives the dream
My mind has seen as
Misfortune now comes to my
Heart where only Joy should
Rest.
1989
This young women just endured her third consecutive,
unexplained pregnancy loss.
Dawn
The body in anguish to create,
And the soul, cry out for birth.
Then, you're born; not yet of age
But whole. You cannot speak but your
cries are heard as your mother wipes
her tears and smiles.
1989
After many years of infertility and pregnancy
losses, Dawn was born. Her birth was complicated by
premature labor and fetal distress, and she was born
emergently by Cesarean section. She weighed but
four pounds at birth.
The Rain
Around me falls the silent rain,
Dark clouds sound the thunder.
My body's failed me once again
Can I endure much more? I wonder.
A weakened mind cries out for
mercy,
A stronger heart...it quests for hope.
There is no sun- today is dreary,
A shroud of mourning does envelope.
The wrath I sense
cannot be stated
In words that one can understand.
All good feelings have now abated,
My tears I wipe with weakened hand.
Fields of lilies grow this
spring
They bloom in all their glory...
Yet for me there is no life to bring
My child is but a memory.
1992
Only despair was felt by this patient whom after two
earlier miscarriages and one ectopic{tubal}
pregnancy, carried this pregnancy into the twenty
second week and without warning, was found at her
routine visit to my office to have a fetal death.
Hymettus
Softer than the softest rose
are the clouds on which I sleep.
Sweeter than the springtime honey
are the thoughts that I now keep.
Farther than the farthest star
is the home where I shall live,
Deeper than the greatest love
is the love I've yet to give.
A love that is immortal
and will grow with each new dawn.
What in our lives we shared together
will remain to be reborn.
So grieve no longer upon my death,
my soul is still; at peace.
I suffer not upon this journey;
my ascent to ethereal grace.
1993.
Hymettus is a mountain in Attica, famous for the
sweetness of its honey. This poem is for a husband
whose young wife suddenly and unexpectantly died.
Colleen
Two spirits flood
My mind and soul
With abundant passion.
A legacy willed to me
Eternally, to bestow
An inner sense that I belong.
I possess a gift,
Grand and sweet like the
Gentle sound of the dulcimer's song.
Perfect, yet simple:
The blessed beauty
Of my parents' love
To endure forever.
1992
Just prior to Colleen's birth, her two grandparents
died.
Cameron
I no longer see the stars; I
am the stars.
I no longer breathe the wind; I am the wind.
I am the sweet smell of
honeysuckle after an
Evening rain.
I am the dew on the rose petals in early
Morning.
I am harmony and I am peace.
I am love.
In sorrow, my mother and
father cry,
But they need not fear. For I am strong.
My heart is whole and in union with my soul.
I understand my fate and I
smile.
For nature's will is my destiny
And my guide through eternity.
1990
After years of infertility, Cameron was born
only to die soon after birth of congenital heart
disease. Unlike most forms of congenital heart
disease, Cameron's was inoperable and fatal. His
courageous parents were with him every moment of
his short but love- filled life.
Pax
Far above the obscure shore
The sky cast forth a" darkness visible"
That speaks your sadness forever more,
Of a loss that's ever so insensible.
But above these clouds where the sun beams glow
With no shadows to cast or eclipse,
My soul lives on; I feel no sorrow
For in my world, I still exist.
To those who love me, I feel your love.
There is no pain, I am at rest.
I have my peace in this heaven above,
And with your prayers I am forever blessed.
1989
Written for parents upon the loss of their son, David.
David was a young physician and cancer surgeon whose
life was consumed by the very disease he treated.
Ventose
The chilling winds of
March do blow,
As on this day we mourn.
And from our eyes fresh tears do flow,
...our child will not be born.
With God's consent did she ascend,
To his Empyrean throne,
A refuge surely to transcend,
This grief we feel at home.
So as the 'Ventose' winds abate
And springtime flowers bloom,
We know her soul is incarnate
In Heaven's immortal womb.
1993
Empyrean is the highest abode of God. Ventose in French
represents the March winds. This pregnancy terminated
in the fourth months after an infection developed in the
uterus.
Megan
Every cell in my body cries.
I want to reach out, embrace you and
tell you I care.
I feel your pain, I know your needs,
but I cannot find a way to comfort you.
I watch the sun at dusk and sense
its strength, And know it will rise again.
1991
For a patient whose child was ill at birth.
Immortality
Arise from behind your shadowy
cloaks,
Sinuous branches of olden oaks,
Reveal thy life and thy glory;
Your luminescence of immortality.
Forever have you shown yourself
Upon this earth where mortals dwell,
To remind us we live for eternity,
If not on earth then heavenly.
With lenity and grace you comfort,
When from our loved ones we must part.
You give us all the strength to bear
The formidable burdens of our despair.
And a lessening of our sorrow,
As we live, love and delight... beyond tomorrow.
1990
Written for a longtime patient, friend and young mother
who died of ovarian cancer.
The Eagal(Aquilla)
Among the timbers; oaks
and elms,
Not far from brackish seas,
Alights a golden ern.
With winged strength and keen eye,
A revered being; Aetites.
His talons anchor to the
branch,
High in trees above.
With affirmation he proclaims his might,
And beckons homage,
A wondrous Bird of Jove.
Immortal is he, this golden
Eagle
Ever symbolic of ancient kings.
For after death he will soar
From the depths: a Phoenix,
With greater courage and stronger wings.
1989
In honor of a colleague and mentor who lost his life to
lung cancer.
Silence
No longer do I fear my death,
For my weakened body now reborn,
Will witness every dawn of every morn
That is yet to cast itself upon
The remnants of my past.
And thus the light above me
now,
With rays aglow in silent symmetry,
Will forever shine far into that eternity
Where I will be
At peace.
1990
Sidney
Clothed in winter's vale of
lace,
Stands an aged tree.
Awaiting springtime's youthful face,
To birth its hues of green.
Yet here upon this winter eve,
A birth did not await.
A daughter whom from love conceived,
Born pure and delicate.
Her father's hands were first
to touch,
This soft and graceful form.
A special being to love so much,
And rejoice with each new morn.
So as the snow drapes on the
boughs,
Of olden elms and oaks.
Know well this child of winter now,
Is blessed with spring's new hopes.
1993
After having a pregnancy loss, this mother
conceived. She went into labor at home and did not
have time to get to the hospital. Her husband
delivered his daughter Sydney by himself at home.
The Vow
Sapphire waves besieged the
shore,
With fury calling at my door,
For me to join them in retreat.
But not yet ready for defeat,
I spurned their request
And went onwards with my quest:
To live and love with you.
With my life at last
fulfilled,
I have succumbed to natures will.
Now tranquil as the ocean's depths,
I feel a peace here after death.
My spirit's strong and remains whole,
For I vowed this vow within my soul:
To live and love with you.
1993
Written for a close family friend who endured years
multiple surgeries for lung cancer .
Amaurot
"All we know
Of what they do above,
Is that they happy are,
and that they love."
Edmund Waller
If I could wish myself a
dream,
It would be to retreat for a lifetime and hide
From a world of unjust suffering
Where mankind's afflictions and pains reside.
I'd labor to quarry limestone and granite
To fashion for my very own
A sanctuary to spend infinite years;
Eternity would now be my home.
I'd cultivate gardens of forsythia and violets,
Plant olive trees and harvest grains;
Grow apple orchards and grape vineyards,
From their full bounty would I be sustained.
Of lyres and harps there'd come splendid music,
Beautiful children would dance and be gay.
Sadness and crying would never bear witness,
Illness and sorrow would remain far away.
You'd be the first to visit my home,
Sweet child whose earthly life has been taken.
For here you would live and love and be blessed,
With God at your side, your eternal beacon.
1993
Amaurot is the fictional capital of Utopia. I wrote this
poem in memory of a child born with a most
devastating birth defect and died shortly after birth. I
dedicate this poem to all children who have died.
Sonnet of Faith
Appareled in a veil of grace,
Angst and despair showed its face.
Yet from your eyes a gleam did shine,
A hint of nature's grand design.
To teach us all that we must cope,
And never lose our faith and hope.
That all things bad and all things sad
Will be eclipsed by what makes us glad:
Love and trust in one another.
Wholesome values as father, mother.
Embracing our children sweet and fair,
Holding their hands, combing their hair.
These are the flames that within us burn,
The passions strong for which we yearn.
So while today your loss brings drear,
The morrow's sunshine will again appear.
1992
Written for a young couple who underwent a
termination of pregnancy for a lethal genetic
anomaly. They had a wonderful understanding of
each other and a devotion to their three old daughter
that allowed them to face their bereavement with
strength and hope.
Saline
I grasped his strong hand
weeping edema beneath
mottled skin and
pulsed coded messages.
Then with a kiss
placed gently upon his brow,
withdrew, and said good-bye.
Around us, aprons of sand
embroidered shores of saline oceans.
Inland, grasses wove their tapestries.
Grains, blades and salted pools mingle;
reservoirs for creation,
repositories for death.
Silent is our
morning's song,
lost our morning's glory.
The grasses, stilled by quiet winds sleep
day-long now. Rays of crimson sunbeams
like thorns, pierce
the clouds of our despair
as our dissonant cries fade
into nothingness.
1993
For a close and loving relative.
Windows
Gather
every morsel
of hope,
precious gift,
and open your eyes
to its wonder;
common images
earthly sights
hourly routines
that maintain
the equilibrium
of why and how
you live
and lived.
Delight
in what are your joys
and then
for just a brief moment
let them close
to the darkness
and paint
upon the canvass
of your soul
portraits
of secret longings
that come alive
in these minutes
of solitude
called dreaming,
art forms to dance
from the palette
as you revel in
this secret world
of unspoiled vision
and immortal promise
1993
For a special friend who was a special person. When
told me she had terminal cancer, I wrote this poem for
her and gave it to her before her death.
Obsidian
My shrouded body
lies interred in frigid
caverns of blackness,
as you mourn and fear
the coldness of my death
and the abyss
of my nothingness.
But neither barren
nor alone nor pained
am I, or will I be
for as the midnight
at full moon, I'll gleam
God's light
through all eternity.
1994
Written for a physician who died at the peak of his
career.
The Tree
Be free
Imprisoned one,
Last remains
Of a fallen tree
Fractured by an
August storm,
Sapped and devoured,
Hollowed from decay,
Destitute of life's
Precious humors.
Debris encrusts your
Body like a death shroud,
Yet the poet knows your
spirit,
The artist your beauty.
Be free.
1993
Rhapsody
Gone are ten thousand days
of perfumed winds
bellowed from the
lungs of God with
gusts and drafts that
scattered wandering seeds
of despair, craving
earthen roots to anchor
their promise of reborn
hope.
1993
Lines of profound past loss and future hope.
Sorrow Fades
Your cries sing of
past sorrows,
Sing no songs for me.
For my heart lusts to
live... tomorrow, And my
soul longs to be free.
No longer will angst
befall you
When at my birth you hear
The cries I sing of life anew,
And you kiss away my tears.
1994
The Morning Dove
By reason unexplained
came the wrath of nature's
will and pain upon an olive tree,
to cleave unequal its fair soul
and hurl each fracture into
stormy destiny. And as time
and hope and prayer
within an earthen womb
nurtured tendril branches
where buds and blossoms bloom,
I cried, for I was first to
see a morning dove bear a leaflet
in the Spring and fly
homewards... for eternity.
1994
For a mother and newborn both critically ill at birth
but in time were healed. The newborn, Jacob, was
delivered at twenty four weeks gestation and weighed
one and one half pounds at birth. I witnessed his
growth
to four pounds when he left the hospital for home.
Sean
The moon's thin crescent
casts dim spears
of speckled light upon the
path I walked this night
with your hands in mine.
And although darkness
hovers close above our bodies,
warmed with dew's sweet tears,
you turn you eyes to mine
to see the embers shine
and burn to ash all despair
within the abyss of my soul
and praise tomorrow's scented air
I breath, for now my body's whole.
1994
For a brave young boy who went through successful
neurosurgery.
Spire
From oblivion to infinity
without origin or finality,
our minds petrify like fossils
ancestral passions
to consummate all life's promises,
while above us windsongs cleave
one cloud in two,
two to four, four to eight
and create
infinite dispersions
so we may see
stars flicker,
moonbeams' shadow
sentinels for sunlight's travel,
...and watchtowers for the treasures
of eternal hope.
1994
Written for a friend's mother and sent to her when I
learned she had surgery for ovarian cancer.
Divus
I loved
the quiet time I spent
when every heart beat
you had sent
to my flesh
and to my skin
flowed forth to bring
me peace within
your silent womb,
...I loved the silent time.
And even as
my tiny heart
labored at death's call
before my start
at birth and life,
and as I ailed,
soon no longer
to inhale
or feel your pulse to mine,
...I loved the quiet time.
My body now
apart from yours,
still lives, yet not
upon your shores,
and suffers not
nor is in pain
for within
its new domain
I can love the quiet time.
...I loved the quiet time.
1994
Divus is the Latin expression for a Godlike,
blessed memory. This poem was written for and given to a
patient whom I had not met- until she came into labor
and was found to have fetal demise.
Yekhida
Thee,
I've touched
and kissed,
and loved you...
... now I
float in
clouds
above you.
Memories
please me
from my
past
transparent shadows
purely
cast.
Though my
corpse
on earth
remains
My spirit lives
in this
domain...
...And like a rose
in desert's
sun.
A miracle
is what
I have
become.
1994
A prayer of hope for immortality. In the Kabballah or
study of Jewish Mysticism, Yekhida is the ultimate
union of the soul with the essence of the Divine.
The Mist
When winter's gloom succumbs,
and grief melts in the sun,
warm currents on my breast will stream,
and turn frosted tears to sunbeams...
Sadness moistens my brow like
mist. Silent tears coalesce upon my cheeks.
Petrified by the cold of winter,
Forgotten by the spring thaw,
I shiver and feel lost
in this the season of my sorrow.
Loss has embraced me more than
once, yet it has never seized me.
Hope has been my reclamation,
My emancipation,
From the bondage of despair.
Hope exists in the swelter
Of summer and persists
As the leaves fall in November.
Hope thaws the snows of winter.
Hope does not forget.
1994
Six pregnancies, one child. This poem is written for a
wonderful and courageous mother and father, desperate
to have another child in face of overwhelming, medical
problems.
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